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I bought my nephew Mein Kampf for his birthday....
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas....
I broke up with a girl after she got us into a really bad auto accident and doctors had to amputate half her foot....
I call my son "My Little Neutron Star"......
I called my 14 year old daughter a......
I called the child abuse hotline......
I came up with a joke about 1s and 0s....
I caught a kid playing with playground equipment that was off-limits to the public....
I could have been more careful when I wished for a newborn with superpowers....
I could tell you a joke about paper......
I cried when my daughter gave me my 50th birthday card....
I Cup - seven year old caught me off guard and I couldn't be happier....
I didn't know my father was once a mime....
I discovered the cure to cancer!...
I don't always tell dad jokes....
I don't expect people that don't know who their fathers are to be nice about their situation....
I don't know why my son was mad......
I don't mean to brag, but I just put a puzzle together in 1 day....
I don't mean to brag, but my son is the most brilliant highway engineer in the world....
I don't mean to brag, but my son was born today....
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