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My wife left me because I'm too insecure and paranoid....
My wife loves antique stores but I hate them....
My wife made me return the cowboy boots I just bought to the shop....
My wife made me throw up last night....
My wife offered me a snack......
My wife refused to go to the...
My wife said I need to start learning the definition of more words to improve my vocabulary....
My wife said if i brought her any more tacky gifts she'd burn them....
My wife said not to tell any more food puns....
My wife said she was going to...
My wife said she was really sick of me telling jokes about the 70s band Ace....
My wife said she was sick of my jokes about ghosts having sex with owls....
My wife said she's sick of my crude jokes about ghosts getting it on with owls....
My wife said that I mess around with my ham radio set too much....
My wife said that I ruined her birthday....
My wife says I don't hold bacon properly so I can't cut it....
My Wife says i have two major faults....
My wife says I'm a sex machine....
My wife says I'm the biggest miser on......
My wife says my relentless barrage of unsolicited dad jokes amounts to battery....
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