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I tried to start a beach footwear business......
I tried to start a stand up comedy......
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette....
I tried to write a joke about planes....
I tried writing a novel about the Big Bang....
I turn 37 next week....
I turned down a job at Disney....
I used to attach a calendar to the back of my clothes....
I used to be a baker......
I used to be a banker......
I used to be a DJ at Stonehenge....
I used to be a hopeless deli meat addict....
I used to be a people person....
I used to be a programmer for...
I used to be a safe driver......
I used to be a software engineer for......
I used to be a TERRIBLE procrastinator......
I used to be a weatherman, but I had to quit after breaking both arms and both legs....
I used to be addicted to being muddy......
I used to be addicted to Masturbation but......
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