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  • I had to shut down my thriving lawn care business....

  • I had to sneak out of the podiatrist office....

  • I hate buying bread in French......

  • I hate MFers......

  • I hate using my discount card to get the ice off my wind shield....

  • I have 19k coins to giveaway......

  • I have a couple of sock puppets for......

  • I have an ancient Egyptian gold coin....

  • I have been bringing in a new revenue stream that requires very little work or time, just from selling a piece of kitchen equipment I get from my dad, dipped in semen....

  • I have created an app that allows you to rent a Zildjian for cheap....

  • I have donated some money to the Crow......

  • I have hundreds of dead batteries to donate....

  • I have many jokes about rich kids......

  • I have so much debt....

  • I have some income from writing dad jokes......

  • I have started selling bed linen with...

  • I haven't seen my wife and kids for more than 2 years....

  • I heard Jimmy Buffet died because of some woman....

  • I hired a kid to paint my porch....

  • I hired a limo for a night out unaware no driver was provided ....

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