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  • My plane was cancelled and I ended up finishing all my reading material....

  • My poker buddies said I needed to start reading people....

  • My psychiatrist said he saw me in the men's restroom before our session....

  • My psychiatrist said my belief in how detailed oriented I am doesn't match reality....

  • My punny son......

  • My roommates insist that our house is haunted, but I remain unconvinced....

  • My Russian friend brags too much about the patriotic symbols representing his country....

  • My son read the thermostat....

  • My son was reading a book about the elements in the periodic table....

  • My teenage son got me the other day....

  • My thesaurus is terrible and also terrible......

  • My town tried to outlaw panini sandwiches, but......

  • My wife and I have decided we don't want kids....

  • My wife asked me the other day why I never buy her flowers....

  • My wife asked me where were the plants she ordered....

  • My wife asked why I closed our credit card account....

  • My wife divorced me because I was too......

  • My wife gets so pissed whenever I mention "A,E,I,O,U"....

  • My wife got a call from Employment Development......

  • My wife had a birth defect....

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