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My phone ran out of charge......
My political beliefs are like my penis....
My promiscuous gran said this about my violin playing when I was 7:...
My relationship with a girl I matched on Tinder was going great until she suffered a psychotic episode insisting that she was part-crab....
My relationship with my girlfriend is not improving....
My sex life is fast and furious....
My son asked why he had to go to bed!...
My soon to be ex-wife told the divorce court judge that she caught me sleeping with twins....
My spelunking addicted friend tried to quit......
My Tinder date was so cheap....
My tinnitus support group invited a handbell choir to perform....
My whole family thinks I'm gay......
My wife and I had sex in Chernobyl......
My wife and I were having sex in the back of her car....
My wife and I were trying to figure out the Yiddish word for butt and what 60 seconds equals....
My wife asked me if I could turn......
My wife calls me a sex machine....
My wife didn't want sexy time last night....
My wife dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest for suspicion of being good in bed....
My wife enjoys my chest and butt, but......
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