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  • I fell asleep this afternoon....

  • I fell into a drug induced coma......

  • I found stir fry all over my bed this morning....

  • I got a new horse but all it does is sleep all day....

  • I got laid almost every day this week....

  • I had a dream last night that I ate a giant marshmallow....

  • I had a dream once where I was......

  • I had a dream that I weighed a thousandth of a gram....

  • I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram....

  • I had a dream that Peppermint Patty partnered with Fig Newtons for a new kind of snack treat....

  • I had a dream where I was working, but then I woke up....

  • I hate it when I can't figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech guy is asleep....

  • I have kleptomania....

  • I heard naps are banned in Florida....

  • I just burned 2,000 calories....

  • I just got fired from work for sleeping with my boss....

  • I just had a dream that I had......

  • I just shared my scandalous adult fantasy with my wife:...

  • I lie on the ground whenever I start a game of solitaire....

  • I like to go to bed with music on....

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