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  • "Let me show you my cutest bowl ever!...

  • "Look", said the geologist, "I don't care what you've heard....

  • "May ya live just as long as ya want, and not want for as long as ya live," is an Irish toast....

  • "My extra winter weight is finally gone....

  • "My eyes are bigger than my stomach" is a normal thing to hear at a buffet....

  • "Siri, why am I still single?...

  • "Son, next to this exact tree here in our backyard is the perfect place to let your frustrations out....

  • "The Knickerbockers and Blazers are likely partners for a Damian Lillard trade....

  • "This is the police, open up"......

  • "What do you want for your birthday?...

  • "What's it like outside?...

  • "When one door closes, another one opens....

  • "Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock?...

  • (Pointing at some modelling material from daughter's arts and crafts supplies) "Hey....

  • [NSFW] "Free Porn" search engine......

  • *Nurse hands me my new born* 'I am......

  • 1800kars4kids......

  • 2 ducks walked into a bar......

  • 3 women are on a bench eating an ice cream....

  • 3,026 years from now, life will be either really good or really bad....

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