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  • I don't like pigeons....

  • I don't like to beat around the bush......

  • I don't mean to deteriorate the conversation with......

  • I don't think Quasimodo was completely clueless why people were staring at him and calling him disfigured....

  • I don't usually laugh at fart jokes......

  • I don't why my wife breastfeed me...

  • I donated my dead dog to the local high school science class....

  • I drew Frosty with a six-pack....

  • I drive by a pasture of cows......

  • I drove past a dead opossum and...

  • I enjoyed a Bison steak at a restaurant today....

  • I entered a sausage contest and won....

  • I explained to my son, "Penguins produce an oil that helps their feathers retain heat....

  • I F---KING LOVE SCIENCE!...

  • I failed my Anaconda breeding class because of......

  • I failed to qualify for work singing like a soprano sheep....

  • I feel bad for Greek vegans....

  • I feel really bad for Ostriches, they get made fun of by the other birds for their size....

  • I feel very self conscious at work when......

  • I felt strangely empty after I dropped my......

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