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  • I recently attended a get together for attractive idiots....

  • I recently bought a pencil owned by Shakespeare himself!...

  • I remember all the laughs that JJ Walker......

  • I saw an ad for a lawyer who......

  • I saw Christopher Nolan last night at an Oscar party creating a scale model of a mountain fort out of napkin and glasses, pointing his phone camera at guests and shouting action and tell people to repeat their conversations....

  • I saw Daniel Craig, Marilyn Monroe, Chris Hemsworth, Leonardo DiCaprio and Paris Hilton kicking the shit out of each other on the street outside a bar....

  • I saw the Energizer Bunny on a wanted poster the other day....

  • I started talking about Roy Rogers horse...

  • I started watching a new TV drama with Idris Elba yesterday....

  • I stopped eating Vienna Sausage......

  • I strongly recommend Thor:...

  • I thought i had forgotten all of my Celine Dion jokes....

  • I thought i had told this joke about Debbie Gibson before....

  • I thought my wife was trying to make me jealous when she said she "fancied a newsperson"....

  • I thought that Eartha Kitt....

  • I thought you guys would appreciate a joke......

  • I told my wife I had a crush......

  • I told my wife I was going to tell some Tom Petty jokes, and she warned me that I better not....

  • I told some rich guy that I was going to tie up a bit of string and stick it to his Rolex....

  • I took a nice selfie with a star that was completely red....

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