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I took my friend to see the world's biggest fan for his birthday....
I took my wife to see Cher, and her opening act was a Cher impersonator....
I turned down a job at Disney....
I use a pic of Zuckerberg's face to find the last page I read in a book....
I used to be one of a kind....
I used to constantly quote Britney Spears songs, but I had to stop when it got Toxic....
I used to go fishing with Skrillex......
I used to remember the cool catchphrase my......
I wanted to know what my future dad jokes would be like....
I was a famous pianist......
I was at a celebrity gathering and slapped......
I was born after Colin Firth......
I was going to make a joke today......
I was gonna make a joke about people......
I was just broken up with by the......
I was looking forward to seeing Margot Robbie in her new film but ended up getting a burger instead....
I was making a pencil sketch of my daughter and she asked me to put her favorite celebrity next to her....
I was showing off my new Subaru to Shania Twain....
I was touring the Will Wonka candy factory when a crate of everlasting jawbreakers fell on me....
I was very upset when I found out......
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