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My brother confessed to me he felt sexually attracted to protein powder....
My brother reached a new level of pettiness when he cheated in the family limbo competition....
My buddy recently had an accident with a grammatically incorrect breakfast....
My building superintendent refused to come over and......
My calendar skips from April to June......
My camera has problems focusing on black people......
My car has a button to jump over......
My car's probably not safe to drive right now....
My cat misbehaved and I couldn't find the spray bottle....
My cheese shredder has just taken up singing....
My child refuses to nap......
My children brought me some marshmallows and asked......
My children have corners....
My church is having a hamburger sale......
My coffee tastes like dirt....
My computer did a reboot......
My counterfeit coin machine stopped working today......
My coworker is addicted to emailing files to people....
My coworker walked up and said, "We'll never know how much shit they've seen ....
My dad always said, "No news is good news"....
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