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  • My friends and family have arranged an...

  • My friends started getting mad at me for......

  • My granddad's last words to me were "fight fire with fire....

  • My guitar and I are not on speaking terms....

  • My lawyer was chasing a doctor yesterday....

  • My local butcher is really struggling at the moment....

  • My local cemetery recently increased their burial...

  • My local zoo is getting 6 sloths...

  • My neighbor is stealing cement from me....

  • My puppy always starts fights when he gets overheated....

  • My son refuses to take medicine when he's sick....

  • My wife accused me of stealing her clothes......

  • My wife and I don't want kids......

  • My wife asked me to take her to......

  • My wife decided to kick me out for......

  • My wife gets so upset anytime I mention how elegant the backs of her hands still are after all these years....

  • My wife has banned me from making anymore breakfast puns!...

  • My wife hates that I'm a penny pincher....

  • My wife keeps telling me that I...

  • My wife left the medicine bottle open on the counter and the dogs running around....

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