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"My girlfriend told me I ruined her...
"My good friend, when is your birthday?...
"Sir," said the timid employee to his boss, "my wife says I'm to ask you for a raise....
"Sire, the foreign dignitaries have brought gifts - an angry Oak, a grumpy Conifer and a tasteless Yew....
"Stop being a closed book....
"Tell me about life in the eighties," said my son....
"What are these pennies doing in my soup?...
"What we girls think, after the first...
"What's wrong, Bubba?...
"Would you be able to pick out the man from this line of suspects?...
"You can't cut me down," the tree said to the lumberjack....
"You look like a standup comedian!...
"Your underwear is much too tight and revealing," I said to my wife....
(In an alternate universe made of anti-matter)......
(OC) Did you hear about the marine biologist who cured the sick dolphin's problems by standing on top of it?...
(One my coworker dropped on me today)......
(Real) My wife just tried puff pastry......
(Soon to be parents couple) Wife:...
(True story) In a bookstore, my friend asked if I ever read Dune....
[Breaking News] US Coast Guard says 'presumed human remains' have been found in wreckage of foot-long meatball sub recovered from 12,500ft below the Atlantic....
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