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As an act of charity, I'm supposed to allow a needy person to stay in my home....
Asked my wife if she remembered that kid......
Asking for help buying a large Xmas tree......
At bedtime i told my blonde wife to set the alarm for 6:...
At home, they treat me like God....
At least five rooms I clean have jigsaw puzzles being put together....
At my dinner party this evening, my guests started doing Roman salutes....
At what time should you clean the cat's litter box?...
bartender: go home you're drunk...
Being a baseball umpire is great......
Both my fridge AND my TV went out last night....
Bought a deodorant stick today, instructions said remove cap and push up bottom....
Breaking News:...
Call 911 immediately if your home is invaded by mosquitos....
Can't bring myself to replace the light bulb on the ceiling....
Can't make a decision whether or not I should get a new mattress....
Can't spell or pun......
Cartoonist found dead in home!...
Charges against NJ Senator Menendez have been updated, and now allege he kept his au pair locked in the basement....
Chinese guy in a room with a Statue......
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