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  • I never have liked elevators......

  • I once clogged the soda machine's ice dispenser....

  • I once dated a transmission mechanic....

  • I once got my hand smashed in a......

  • I once had a Yugo....

  • I once saw a sailer who had a steering wheel on the front of his pants....

  • I once used a sharpie on a white board....

  • I once walked into a McDonald's......

  • I once worked in a hospital where a......

  • I only trust pilots who are licensed...

  • I programmed a new pirates game....

  • I proposed to my girlfriend in a vacuum......

  • I ran over my neighbors foot with a......

  • I really like driverless cars....

  • I rear ended my wife's Kia Soul in my Toyota Sienna yesterday....

  • I recently retired......

  • I recently went to the 'World's Tiniest Wind Turbine' exhibit....

  • I saw a blind guy at the ATM who looked like he was struggling so I asked if I there was anything I could do....

  • I saw a guy get hit by a......

  • I saw a magic tractor the other day......

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