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I once tried my hand at designing a submarine, but no matter what I did, it just wouldn't submerge....
I picked up a U2 version of Monopoly at a yard sale....
I quit gambling......
I really need the money, but this roofing......
I recently broke long-standing ties with my cannibal......
I recently won an award that is shaped like a feline's rear end....
I refuse to use compost......
I rented a bulldozer and leveled out all the land in my front yard....
I saw the cops arrest this insane guy the other day....
I should open up a gym in Hell......
I spent the last 12 hours welding together a belt using nothing but wrist watches, and it came out 10 sizes too big....
I think the chupacabra has the most ambition of any mythical beast....
I thought about going on an all-almond diet....
I threw an Asian down the stairs......
I told my brothers that my girlfriend didn't know what to buy to remove undesirable plants from our garden....
I took my family on a road trip......
I took some ayahuasca at Jiffy Lube...
I tried going camping once and I'll never......
I tried milking a cow but he ran......
I tried opening a jar of mustard when the cap suddenly came off and it went everywhere....
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