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  • I tried computer dating once....

  • I tried reading Zeno's paradox....

  • I turn 37 next week....

  • I turned 33 years old today....

  • I used to think I was indecisive......

  • I used to work at a toy...

  • I Want 100 Grand....

  • I was 5 foot 11 before my amputation......

  • I was calculating if I could save more water by taking baths or 5-minute showers....

  • I was confused and the show ten pound poms....

  • I was encouraged to try learning the drums to take my mind off my porn addiction....

  • I was excited when a witch hit me up on my phone last night....

  • I was excited when a witch hit me up on my phone....

  • I was flying in a 707 returning from my tour of duty in Southeast Asia ....

  • I was getting so frustrated trying to use a broken calculator that I almost threw it across the room, but I decided not to....

  • I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?...

  • I was going to buy a hairpiece but......

  • I was going to buy a Matchbox 20......

  • I was helping a kid with their arithmetic......

  • I was in the middle of my annual......

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