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  • I promised my wife I would try not to get too excited when we went to the nude beach....

  • I promised not to making anymore root vegetable jokes....

  • I pronounce hyperbole as hyper-bowl......

  • I pushed an Asian guy down the stairs......

  • I put a few flyers through the neighbour's doors....

  • I put a picture of myself in a pendant....

  • I put all my money on letter A......

  • I put all my spare cash into...

  • I put bad rainbows in a prism......

  • I put on a Friday night video for my girls, and it was unfortunately frozen....

  • I put on my atheist shoes this morning....

  • I quit drinking a few days ago......

  • I quit drinking for good....

  • I quit gambling......

  • I quit my job as a bus driver for the paranoid society because....

  • I quit my job as an underwater diver....

  • I quit my job at a bakery on the 91st floor of a skyscraper....

  • I quit my job at the bank today....

  • I quit my job at the helium gas......

  • I quit smoking cold turkey....

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