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  • I told my wife I was pretty angry about the low number of toads in my life....

  • I told my wife, "Did you know Old McDonald's farm has been taken over by Artificial Intelligence?...

  • I told this joke the day before my......

  • I took a tour of a Dairy...

  • I took a tour of a defunct candy factory, but it smelled more like chocolate....

  • I took my dog, Samuel Akita, to the vet....

  • I took my family on a road trip......

  • I tried computer dating once....

  • I tried marrying fruit....

  • I tried out some very advanced new razors....

  • I tried reading 'The Iliad' and 'The Odyssey'....

  • I tried reading Zeno's paradox....

  • I tried to catch the fog the other......

  • I tried to impress a girl by saying I surf....

  • I tried to learn the trumpet,......

  • I tried to make a timely joke about......

  • I tried to sneak into a monster convention......

  • I turn 37 next week....

  • I turned 33 years old today....

  • I use my smart phone for when...

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