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  • I texted my friend I had to go blow bubbles into a glass of milk but that I would shortly return....

  • I think I am a social vegan......

  • I think I'm allergic to certain types of nuts they make me sneeze....

  • I thought about becoming vegetarian....

  • I thought about going on an all-almond diet....

  • I thought about going to an all almond......

  • I thought about quitting my job to start......

  • I thought I could just slice bread, pop it in the toaster and be done....

  • I thought that mustard might stain my shirt....

  • I thought this was funny, my partner did......

  • i threw a rock at a gay person......

  • I told my doctor, every time I drink coffee, my left eye hurts....

  • I told my son the other day that he smelled like green onion while sitting in his room listening to hip hop....

  • I told my wife I absolutely love Worcestershire sauce....

  • I took a stuffed dog to the Antiques Roadshow and was told, "This is extremely rare....

  • I took a tour of a defunct candy factory, but it smelled more like chocolate....

  • I took a woman out to dinner and a movie....

  • I took some ayahuasca at Jiffy Lube...

  • I took viagra last night......

  • I totally nailed this one today......

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