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  • If you clean out a vacuum cleaner,......

  • If you die of a yeast infection,...

  • If you ever have surgery on your vocal cords, you won't be able to speak for a while....

  • If you face planted....

  • If you hate musical puns . ....

  • If you have a Mexican mom, tell her "palabra"....

  • If you have any Spanish speaking friends, make sure to to tell them "musica" often....

  • If you haven't seen House, you should....

  • If you need a job, try Search and Rescue....

  • If you need something sold, come see me......

  • If you think today, Thursday is depressing....

  • If you want to be fruitful and multiply....

  • If you want to change the world, do it while you're single....

  • If you write a second book about electric bicycles....

  • If you're ever attacked by a group of......

  • If you're ever stuck on an island make......

  • If you're ever thinking about making a belt out of old watches, don't....

  • If you're feeling down, try drinking a pint of water before going to bed....

  • If you're feeling lonely......

  • If you're going to tell jokes about eyes,......

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