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  • I have an addiction to brake fluid......

  • I have been a limo driver for 25 years and haven't had a single customer....

  • I have created an app that allows you to rent a Zildjian for cheap....

  • I have just released my own fragrance....

  • I have my mom's eyes......

  • I have trust issues when it comes...

  • I haven't seen my wife and kids for more than 2 years....

  • I heard One Direction is having problems....

  • I heard that Chris Rea was moonlighting as a cabbie over the holidays....

  • I heard the princess is in town visiting the museum....

  • I heard today that Biggie Smalls doesn't like to go on holiday!...

  • I hired a lawyer to sue the airlines for mishandling my luggage....

  • I hired a limo for a night out unaware no driver was provided ....

  • I hired a Russian man to wander nonstop around my parties, refilling people's drinks....

  • I hit a deer while driving my wife's car....

  • I injured my back in my trip to......

  • I instilled a full 90 seconds of groaning in my friend....

  • I jogged around the block 15 times this morning!...

  • I jump out in front of cars and......

  • I just did 480 push ups in a......

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