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  • I met a magician yesterday......

  • I miss Mount Rushmore before it was carved......

  • I missed my reservation at the Ukranian restaurant because I was distracted studying French philosophy....

  • I missed the start of the Tom Swifties....

  • I nailed this perfectly today....

  • I nearly got a tattoo of my life motto the other day....

  • I never finish anything....

  • I once clenched my ass to hold a......

  • I once drew a fish but....

  • I once had a job making Dracula plastic dolls....

  • I once modeled for a sculptor who made......

  • I once saw a magician make a stick of butter disappear....

  • I once used a sharpie on a white board....

  • I once witnessed an argument between two...

  • I own a special pen that can write underwater....

  • I paid a man a huge sum of money to make a statue of me....

  • I painted my room in three different colours......

  • I placed a small picture of America in a locket this 4th of July....

  • I put a picture of myself in a pendant....

  • I put all my spare cash into...

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