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  • I once bought a hook from a pirate....

  • I once clogged the soda machine's ice dispenser....

  • I once got stabbed by an electric guitar once....

  • I once knew a cheese thief....

  • I ordered this book online titled "How To......

  • I paid a man a huge sum of money to make a statue of me....

  • I plotting to try and steal the pyramids....

  • I pretty sure someone coming into our house and stealing our toilets....

  • I programmed a new pirates game....

  • I ran fast and stole a base during......

  • I ran into my former boss the other day....

  • I ran over a fat guy with my car once....

  • I read an excellent book called "Round...

  • I really wanna get back at the guy who pushed me causing me to fall and break my tailbone....

  • I recently got in trouble for bartering alcoholic beverages to quaint hotels....

  • I requested a retrial on the grounds of......

  • I robbed a chicken this morning......

  • I robbed a library in Romania yesterday......

  • I saw a burglar kicking in his own door....

  • I saw a burglar kicking its own door......

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