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I went to the gas station today and......
I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal....
I witnessed a Middle Eastern food truck being......
I woke up from a nap at the park to find that someone had their gun drawn on me!...
I woke up to find my mustache was missing this morning....
I work at a wig factory and 3 tonnes of hair was stolen....
I work in a machine shop and someone stole all of our aluminum billets last night....
I'm an assassin and someone stole my rice so I removed the pin from a grenade and gave it to them....
I'm being framed for a crime!...
I'm glad I wasn't casted for a Freddy......
I'm reading a horror story in Braille....
I'm sorry but isn't every murder....
I've been seeing a lot of incidents involving......
I've been stealing from the local crematorium....
I've been stealing wheelchairs from a local charity and I have no regrets....
I've created a TV show about a wizard and a coal miner who team up to solve crimes....
I've kidnapped the Swedish Chef, but he seems okay with it....
I've seen a lot of birthday thieves....
If a federal prisoner removes an insect by a rapid finger movement....
If a group of crows is a "murder"....
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