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  • I drilled a hole today, and thought I'd......

  • I dropped a bag of flour at the grocery store....

  • I dropped my glasses in the toilet......

  • I dropped my pickaxe and my head lamp......

  • I drove the car into a giant vat......

  • I eat furniture....

  • I eat way too much noodles and I know they're bad for me....

  • I exchanged some Brogues for a pair of winkle-pickers....

  • I failed history class in school......

  • I failed my history exam because I said that Reagan and McDonald were first in flight....

  • I failed my paper on condensation....

  • I failed to qualify for legal work representing......

  • I failed to qualify for work removing gold......

  • I failed to qualify for work singing like a soprano sheep....

  • I farted in an elevator....

  • I farted to make my kid laugh but instead I just disgusted my wife....

  • I feel bad for plumbers who install those fancy water heaters that hang on the wall....

  • I feel like Hollandaise....

  • I fell into a septic tank......

  • I fell off a book once......

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