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I threw my ex into a volcano......
I told a French joke about strawberries, but no one laughed....
I told my boyfriend I was bored......
I told my brothers that my girlfriend didn't know what to buy to remove undesirable plants from our garden....
I told my family that I was experiencing depression....
I told my friend I just got a new job at the bowling alley, and he said, "Tenpin?...
I told my friend I needed a break......
I told my kids breaking up is hard......
I told myself I would pronounce the name of my Thai tourist destination correctly, and practiced and practiced....
I told ten puns to try and make my children laugh, but....
I took a piss in the playing area of some child....
I took my dog to a baseball game....
I took my dog to vet after he ate an entire bag of Scrabble tiles....
I took part in the sun-tanning Olympics....
I took some pesto bismol at the casino......
I tricked a tree the other day......
I tried a layup in our old man......
I tried archery, but I lost the one arrow I had after a single shot....
I tried asking a zombie reanimator out on......
I tried dating a defensive lineman....
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