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  • I quit drinking for good....

  • I quit my job as an underwater diver....

  • I quit my job at a bakery on the 91st floor of a skyscraper....

  • I quit my job at the bank today....

  • I quit my job at the erectile dysfunction......

  • I quit my job at the helium gas......

  • I raised my son until he finished school and then I stopped....

  • I ran into my former boss the other day....

  • I ran over a fat guy with my car once....

  • I read a book about an immortal protagonist....

  • I read a story about a farmer....

  • I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it's raining in Sweden....

  • I really hate funerals....

  • I received a flyer on anger management the other day....

  • I received poor customer service at the mirror store....

  • I recently discovered that i was named after my Dad i never knew....

  • I recently joined a nudist colony....

  • I recently learned that humans farts have sounded the same since ancient Egypt....

  • I recently quit my job at the helium factor....

  • I recently visited a haunted castle where a ghostly voice followed me around shouting tit wank....

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