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I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places....
I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places....
I told my wife that she looks like she's 763941....
I told the judge I couldn't breathe......
I told the judge my wife suffocated me......
I told the judge my wife tried to......
I took a crap in my Honda the other day....
I took a dump at the airport......
I took my girlfriend to see Disney on......
I took my Great Pyrenees to the vet and found out she ruptured both her cruciate ligaments....
I tried doing 100 sit-ups but I didn't finish....
I tried driving Ubers for awhile....
I tried to date a mummy detective....
I tried to take a picture of myself......
I tries to start doing Weight Lifting......
I tripped over a packet of Kleenex and thought i had broken my leg....
I tripped over my wife's bra in the bathroom....
I used to be a weatherman, but I had to quit after breaking both arms and both legs....
I used to clean my face and hands every hour, but I just can't do that anymore....
I used to have a 6 pack in......
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