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  • I haven't eaten in a while....

  • I haven't slept for a week....

  • I haven't slept for ten days!...

  • I haven't slept for three days....

  • I heard about a guy who's left half......

  • I heard some electrician was killed working on a job in a bakery....

  • I hope Ed Sheeran is ok, apparently he got injured during a recent performance?...

  • I hope the injured trampolinist......

  • I hurt my coccyx....

  • I just did 480 push ups in a......

  • I just flew back from a Transformers convention ....

  • I just got a tattoo on my left butt cheek....

  • I just got a ticket for not wearing......

  • I just got a vasectomy for half...

  • I just love trying to pack myself in a small suitcase....

  • I just put up an electric fence around my house....

  • I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds....

  • I just saw a cow with three horns....

  • I just saw a guy walking around with......

  • I just tripped over my wife's bra....

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