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  • I once spotted a leopard in the wild......

  • I once wrestled a water buffalo inside a wigwam and a teepee....

  • I own a cat that's been exposed to nuclear radiation....

  • I paid for an overpriced ice chest......

  • I planted elephant ears in the flower garden, but my wife wanted heart ferns....

  • I put on a chinese finger trap as......

  • I read a book about an immortal protagonist....

  • I really hate black holes......

  • I really wanted to get a cat as......

  • I recently ate Donkey meat , I don't......

  • I recently attended a magic show in Mexico....

  • I recently found out my house is haunted by a ghost, but it's actually led to a lot of really fun adventures....

  • I recently had a date with a pyromaniac....

  • I recently taught a large, wild dog to meditate....

  • I recently visited a haunted castle where a ghostly voice followed me around shouting tit wank....

  • I recently visited the "World's Tiniest Wind Turbine" exhibit....

  • I recently went to the 'World's Tiniest Wind Turbine' exhibit....

  • I recently won an award that is shaped like a feline's rear end....

  • I recommend checking out that new owl comedian....

  • I referred to the middle part of an insect's body as "Stormbreaker", but no one knew what I meant....

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