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  • I needed to go to the hardware store today, I'd ran out of white spirit to clean my paintbrushes....

  • I never drive alone......

  • I never finish anything....

  • I never knew the true meaning of Boxing Day until I told my wife "happy Boxing Day" at 5 AM this morning....

  • I never really understood anything about Ouzo, feta......

  • I never ride my bike around the mental......

  • I never understood odorless chemicals....

  • I offered my elderly neighbour $20 for a......

  • I once got into an argument with my friend over measuring....

  • I once knew a bunch of guys who thought they were really exceptional at statistics....

  • I once lived in such a remote area, I thought no one would ever be able to get supplies back to me....

  • I once saw a magician make a stick of butter disappear....

  • I once stayed up all night trying to figure out where the sun went....

  • I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition....

  • I once thought I had a Japanese friend......

  • I once tried my hand at designing a submarine, but no matter what I did, it just wouldn't submerge....

  • I once used to judge people on how well they sang Died in your Arms, I was a little too strict at judging....

  • I only ever had stepladders in my house....

  • I only know 23 letters of the alphabet....

  • I only know 25 letters in the alphabet....

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