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  • I said to my son today who is into fitness, "There are two types of cardio you know"....

  • I said to my wife the other day "I completely agree....

  • I said to my wife, "For the last 15 years, all you've done is find mistakes in anything I say....

  • I said to my wife, "my god woman can't you see how horny I am?...

  • I sat my son down for the drugs talk....

  • I saved the first penny I ever earned and I'll never part with it....

  • I saw a floating URL whilst walking in the park and when I clicked on it, the songs 'In the End' and 'Burn it Down' started playing....

  • I saw a theatre performance about vocabulary....

  • I saw a van today that said "Cambridge......

  • I saw someone in the supermarket with a stick inside one of the wheels....

  • I saw the doctor for my sunburn and he prescribed me viagra....

  • I Say I Say I Say - What insect can't make its mind up?...

  • I scolded my son for stopping short while he was driving....

  • I showed my dyslexic friend a list of words, I pointed to the word Paradoxical and I asked:...

  • I showed my son a photo of me and said, "This was taken seven years ago....

  • I showed up late to the Oppenheimer cinema screening....

  • I sold my vacuum a few days ago......

  • I spent $1,000 on LED speakers that change color with the music....

  • I spent a small fortune on my circumcision......

  • I spent all my money collecting every bird species in my zoo, except one....

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