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  • I told a joke about the cargo ship crashing that didn't go over well....

  • I told my Dad that I got a......

  • I told my dad that I'm an audiophile....

  • I told my date to meet me at the gym, but I got stood up....

  • I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places....

  • I told my doctor I was having trouble with my right ear....

  • I told my friend "If you leave yeasty dough to ferment, it'll take its final shape....

  • I told my friend I was vegetarian....

  • I told my friend I'm going on vacation......

  • I told my friend that my wife's a genius, and she married me....

  • I told my son, "Have you heard that they're shutting down all food resources in schools so that children can't eat?...

  • I told some rich guy that I was going to tie up a bit of string and stick it to his Rolex....

  • I told ten puns to try and make my children laugh, but....

  • I told the cashier that I couldn't pay with my card, but I would instead give him and Diamond!...

  • I told the contractor that I didn't want any carpet on the stairs....

  • I told the judge I couldn't breathe......

  • I took a lie detector test....

  • I took my family on a road trip......

  • I traveled here specifically for the holy iron and now it turns out, there is nothing like that here....

  • I tried archery, but I lost the one arrow I had after a single shot....

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