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I spent the last 12 hours welding together a belt using nothing but wrist watches, and it came out 10 sizes too big....
I spilled milk on my foot the other......
I sprained my ankle tripping over a box of Kleenex....
I started a business selling necklaces made from broken violin parts....
I started a nightclub for guys with erectile dysfunction....
I started my diet by removing all the fattening food from the house....
I started taking Prevagen to help with my memory....
I stopped my toddler from pulling vines off the house....
I studied cave exploration in college....
I survived falling from 12 story building....
I tell Baghdad jokes in the Middle East....
I text my wife "Look, if plans A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, and J don't work, then we'll have to resort to Plan K....
I think I have a dog....
I think I said something wrong to the skid marks in my toilet, they're nowhere to be seen....
I think the wife is dyslexic......
I thought about becoming vegetarian....
I thought I came up with a unique and creative joke about native Australians....
I thought I had a good joke about......
I thought I was wrong once but....
I thought I won the argument with my wife about how to arrange our dining room furniture....
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