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  • I took some weed before my eye exam......

  • I totally misunderstood the meaning behind Pride Month....

  • I tried computer dating once....

  • I tried reading Zeno's paradox....

  • I tried to eat 24 dozen eggs for breakfast today....

  • I turn 37 next week....

  • I turned 33 years old today....

  • I used to think I was indecisive......

  • I used to work at a toy...

  • I Want 100 Grand....

  • I want out to a restaurant and the wait staff were overly respectful and formal in speaking with us, but when i got the bill it was a lot higher than i thought it would be....

  • I wanted to hire an airplane to pull a banner that says "6....

  • I wanted to tell you guys a joke......

  • I was 5 foot 11 before my amputation......

  • I was calculating if I could save more water by taking baths or 5-minute showers....

  • I was confused and the show ten pound poms....

  • I was disconcerted when people found out I couldn't do addition....

  • I was encouraged to try learning the drums to take my mind off my porn addiction....

  • I was excited when a witch hit me up on my phone last night....

  • I was excited when a witch hit me up on my phone....

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