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My super-rich girlfriend keeps buying me apartments that I can't afford myself....
My supermarket plays different music in every aisle....
My SUV navigation system keeps taking me off-road....
My sweater picks up too much static electricity......
My Sys Admin friend really needs to urinate....
My tape measure isn't rigid enough....
My teacher asked me what is the 9th letter of the alphabet?...
My teacher got mad at me after I......
My teacher told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much....
My teacher told us to write a haiku for homework yesterday, but I forgot to write one....
My tech-savvy friend thinks I'm rich, because when I asked about buying a good TV....
My teenage daughter chose to have regular instead of electric candles on her birthday cake....
My teenage son got me the other day....
My tenant cancelled the lease on his apartment to enlist in the military....
My therapist told me he was afraid I'm......
My therapist told me I have an...
My therapist told me to write letters to people I hate and burn them....
My three French friends all have delicious names....
My Tinder date was so cheap....
My tinnitus support group invited a handbell choir to perform....
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