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  • I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park....

  • I heard this morning that a truck lost control and crashed into a homeless encampment....

  • I heard this sub imploded inside the debris......

  • I hit a deaf and blind guy's dog......

  • I hit a deer while driving my wife's car....

  • I hit a deer with my new Tesla....

  • I joined a dating site for arsonists......

  • I jump out and scare people by shouting "Bacon Tree!...

  • I just finished reading "Life Inside The Gulag"....

  • I Just found out my wife is cheating....

  • I just got back from a tour of the British Isles, and I don't mean to be a Karen, but Wales is a nasty place....

  • I just got robbed in Pittsburgh!...

  • I just had some vandals cover my car in jelly....

  • I just heard an ex President of the US got into an altercation with an Alpaca!...

  • I just ran over a deer yesterday....

  • I just read about the triplet arsonists....

  • I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds....

  • I just saw Oppenheimer in the theatre today....

  • I just saw someone get tased....

  • I just shat myself......

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