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  • I once yelled at a pony......

  • I only blink......

  • I only know masterbation jokes......

  • I only liked the first two Harry Potter books....

  • I only sing well when I'm either very......

  • I opened a magnet store that was too......

  • I ordered a fancy limited edition thesaurus online but when I opened it, all the pages were blank....

  • I ordered food at a sushi restaurant....

  • I over heard this while walking down the......

  • I overheard the walls of my home discussing their plans for Saturday night....

  • I passed out on the baggage carousel at the airport once....

  • I passed out on the baggage carousel at the airport....

  • I passed the bar....

  • I paused my film to make a cup of tea and go to the toilet....

  • I personally hate cat-callers....

  • I phoned a call center today and it said all the advisors were engaged....

  • I phoned my boss and said I'm really......

  • I phoned the Suppository helpline the other day....

  • I pissed on an electric fence some years ago....

  • I played a banger but my wife didn't like it....

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