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I tried to tell my wife and kids the joke about the Stormtroopers that were shooting at the ball point pens but....
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette....
I used to be a competitive target shooter....
I used to have three guns in my......
I used to tell the truth all the time and now I just "spill the T"....
I want to start a gathering of historical tyrants....
I was a head chef at an upscale brunch Cafe....
I was a professional poker player till I broke my arm....
I was accosted by this rude Greek fellow....
I was arrested for flirting with a girl......
I was at a celebrity gathering and slapped......
I was at the park wondering why this......
I was at the zoo and a South American animal spit at someone!...
I was attacked by a flock of sheep......
I was dating a girl named Ruth but I broke up with her....
I was driving down 160 and some guy......
I was driving to work when a bunch......
I was going through my records and...
I was going to accuse my neighbor of......
I was gonna offer your mom a drink......
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