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My girlfriend threw her iPhone at me so hard I've now got a detached retina....
My girlfriend told me that if I don't......
My grandpa joined a new gang....
My grandpa told me that he got to see the titanic and that from the beginning he told them not to get onboard because he knew it was gonna sink....
My Great Grandfather kept telling everyone the Titanic was going to sink....
My half brother and I....
My hands got all cut up and bloody......
My husband Dom has Tourette's....
My insurance company called me last week....
My job is hard....
My kid developed a nasty habit of kicking......
My kid said he didn't know what Armageddon......
My kids asked for a salt lamp....
My kids debate teacher has a habit of being rough on students and she said he ate her alive today....
My landlady threatened to evict the tenant with......
My lawyer was chasing a doctor yesterday....
My local bakery is charging one of its customers the cost of plumbing after said customer entered their establishment only to purchase a single baked good, then proceeded to unleash two violent bowel movements on one of their toilets....
My local bowling hall is closed......
My local gun club was thinking about building a blast proof wall so we can set off grenades and other explosives....
My mate always faints when Dracula comes to......
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