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  • I remember how embarrassed I was when I couldn't pay my electricity bill....

  • I remember what they told me when I was made the Head of the Committee for Investigating the Electrical Conductivity of Pee:...

  • I rented a bulldozer and leveled out all the land in my front yard....

  • I requested a retrial on the grounds of......

  • I robbed a library in Romania yesterday......

  • I said some bad stuff in a sub......

  • I saw a Ford F-250 hauling manure....

  • I Saw a French Philosopher standing in front of a Clydesdale....

  • I saw a piece of toast in a......

  • I saw a pig making fun a hippo for rolling in mud....

  • I saw people all being in each other......

  • I saw this lame movie about a guy......

  • I saw two months doing the dirty the other night....

  • I seem to be negative about giving blood......

  • I sent my hearing aids away to be......

  • I shattered my coffee cup this morning......

  • I should have dealt with my obsession with reducing fractions a long time ago....

  • I should have expected that my gardener would print all his documents sideways....

  • I shouldn't have hired Dwarves and Hobbits to run my Middle Earth restaurant....

  • I simply cannot understand why Santa Claus is so popular....

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